The dreaded family get together

​Unfortunately, a lot of us develop anxiety and tension around the holiday season. The reasons can be multifold but the result is usually the same. Sitting at the dinner table with family members who, for whatever reason, get under our skin, press our buttons and have us reaching for one too many glasses of wine. The mood is tense, something huge is never said, or it is and then the evening goes from pleasantries to dramas, and everyone goes home exhausted and wondering why that person can't be more something or other, or why that family member just doesn't get it.

Get what? Be more like what? What is it we are really trying to achieve? Ultimately, we may hope to change the other person, or have an ideal become reality and play out how we imagined it. Most of the things we try in order to improve the situation don't work if we address only parts of the issue or we focus on changing what is outside of our internal experience. If we are fortunate, our partners and maybe the whole family, will go for counselling or decide to learn a communication technique such as Non-Violent Communication or Bohm Dialogue. Otherwise, we are on our own to face our pain and confusion and find a way back into the fold that is thicker than water and lasts a lifetime.

Is this a journey worth taking you might be asking yourself? I have known good friends whose family issues are dangerous or even life threatening, but for most of us they are just unpleasant, trigger our most sensitive buttons and leave us feeling things we would rather resolve, avoid or medicate. What if there was a more compassionate and global approach to how we view our experience with family? (For real life examples, read below)

Self-Rated Health methods
Research on the Self-Rated Health method (SRH - defined as an individual’s perceived global health state) suggests that it is a valid and powerful predictor of disease indication and of mortality. This 'global health state' is best understood and expressed by the individual and not captured by assessing and testing parts of the body or mind by various health domains (biological, psychological, social, behavioural, spiritual). It is the 'experience' of the individual that is sought, and it is filled out on a questionnaire or shared with a holistic health professional in a session.

With insight into an individual’s experience of their own health and their own association to their bodily functions and processes, SRH taps into a global health construct of 'true health' in a way that other methods cannot. SRH shows us, when seen from a transdisciplinary or holistic perspective in regard to health outcomes, that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. With a greater ability to address chronic health conditions, SRH is a complex indicator of global or ‘wholistic’ health and requires a transdisciplinary perspective to decipher it. Transdisciplinary is an approach that harmoniously integrates multiple aspects of an issue to create new emergent forms of knowledge that require global solutions to resolve health problems.

The Global or Wholistic approach
This is where a holistic practice such as homeopathy can be helpful. The homeopathic treatment process is similar to the non-leading questions and approach of SRH and allows the person to provide the symptoms and their inner experiences. This creates a complex of symptoms on many levels such as physical, emotional, social and non-physical, that can be assessed as a global state. A homeopathic remedy is doing exactly that, especially a core remedy, helping the body to reach a healthier state globally. In my clinical experience I have seen this first hand.

• A young man who after taking a core remedy had a profound experience when viewing the portrait of his parents hanging in his living room. He was able to see his parents in a new way, embrace them and he no longer felt so rebellious or needing to leave a lot of distance between them and himself. The next time he went to a family function he noticed he was at ease and could enjoy himself, the usual tensions and his inner conflicts were absent.
  
  
• After taking her first ever homeopathic remedy, a woman was able to appreciate her long time husband as her 'knight in shining armour.' That was a lovely moment as they had been married nearly 50 years but had been quarrelling and not communicating pleasantly for a long time.
  
  
• A young woman who was struggling to relate to her alcoholic and depressed father described family get togethers as incompatible personalities fighting over different opinions. There would be little talking but instead accumulated anger and as a protection she withdrew from the family. She felt stuck in the middle as if she had to chose favourites between her two parents. After her core remedy, she was able to see that she does love her father and yet understood that the connection between them was weak since they never took the time to get to know each other. She wondered if she would regret that lack of connection when he died.
  
  
• A woman was frustrated with her mother and had reached a melting point and she no longer wanted to spend any time with her. There was a big argument and she left her parent's house determined never to go back. After taking a remedy she came back for a follow up and said that the situation with her mother had suddenly corrected itself in her mind and things were as they were before the argument. She wanted to spend time with her parents again, she felt they needed her help since they are getting on in years.
  
  
• A mother of a young girl was having a very hard time with her separation from the child's father. It was difficult for her to stand up to him and to express her needs and boundaries. She described it as a war zone and that it was more than she could handle and yet she knew that it also making things difficult for their daughter. After a core remedy she was able to go slower and not make decisions until she knew what she wanted. She no longer felt the intense fear and shame she had felt the past ten years and although she had some things to still work out, she was able to take the space she needed and the communication was more open and honest between them. The father was also committed to seeing a homeopath and working on his own issues to improve the family dynamic.
  
  
• A woman during the session complains about her husband and how much he aggravates her. After taking a remedy she remarks that her husband is no longer doing the behaviour that was driving her so crazy, or at least if he is, it does not seem to bother her so much anymore.
  
  

Although these people had come to see a homeopath for other issues, usually a physical complaint, these relationship improvements were part of the global action of the remedies that the homeopath suggested for them. Relationship is a part of the global assessment we use to confirm that the remedy choice is indeed providing health benefits. Not only do we hope to see improvements in their original chief complaint, but also in their relationships with others and in areas such as their optimism and energy levels.
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It is challenging work to look at ourselves and take responsibility for our part in the way relationships with our family are experienced. It is something we can do however, and each step we take can positively affect the people around us. Here's to more enjoyable and energizing family dinners this holiday season!


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How does holistic treatment support healthy living? Why try homeopathy? Having a life long study in the principles of nature and healthy living, Lauren Trimble is happy to share her knowledge and experience. The art of retuning the body’s natural healing capacity & developing consciousness in a compassionate and gentle way is the gift that homeopathy brings to her current holistic practice. If you enjoyed this article find out more at Birdsong.